Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
