there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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