theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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