I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
