She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
