drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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