I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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