Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
