The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
