how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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