dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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