this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to make out with him forever
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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