Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
