You smell like stripper and shame
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
