Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
