Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
