I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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