i permit you to call me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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