he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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