I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
