i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
