his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
