Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
