I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
