I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
