Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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