He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
