i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
