grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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