No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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