Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize