One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You took a bar mat shot.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
