And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
time to smoke my breakfast
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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