Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
