I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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