its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize