I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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