You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
