Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
