there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
