i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
