FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
