We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have aggressive nipples.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
