My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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