im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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