I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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