i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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