I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
