ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize