You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
