I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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