Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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