guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When are your genitals available?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
