one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
