UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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