Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
