you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
