I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
