My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We have started to decorate penises.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
