He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
