the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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