And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
