So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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