I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
